I loved and I lost you
by Skovko
Summary: Seth left the company to work overseas. Being lonely in another country made him cheat on his girlfriend and he lost her due to his mistake. Now he's back and he's not ready to let her go completely even though she's supposedly moved on with someone else. Nothing seems right. She has pushed away her friends, she doesn't remember much and her new boyfriend seems anything but good.
1. Back

"Stop!" Roman held Seth back with a hand on his chest. "Think about it before you go down there."  
"Didn't you tell her I was coming today?" Seth asked.

He looked down at the ring where she was standing with her back against the ramp where he and Roman stood on top. She was watching Mojo Rawley train in the ring. How Seth wanted to slap that annoying goofy smile right off of Mojo's face. Mojo, the man she now was valet for instead of wrestling herself. Mojo, the man that moved right in and took her the second he saw the opportunity. His two trusted friends Roman and Dean had filled him in on everything that happened while he was away overseas to wrestle for another company. When he left, he wasn't sure he would ever come back to this company. When he lost her, he knew he didn't have a choice.

"I told her but I doubt she remembers," Roman answered.  
"What's wrong with her memory?" Seth asked.  
"Not sure. Ever since shit went down between you two, she changed. It's like she hears what we say to her but she doesn't really listen," Roman answered.

Seth continued to look down at her. He could see she had changed just by the way she was standing, or more like hanging over the apron. She didn't really seem to care what was going on inside the ring even though she was supposed to be a part of it.

"How is she?" Seth asked.  
"I wish I knew. She doesn't really talk to any of us anymore but can you blame her?" Roman asked.  
"No, I fucked up big time," Seth said.

Roman nodded while looking at his friend. Seth had fucked up a good thing, the best thing that had ever happened to him if anyone would ask him, but Seth already knew that. He lived with the guilt and the loss of her.

"Is she happy?" Seth asked.  
"I wish I could tell you yes," Roman answered.  
"Fuck," Seth murmured.

He took a deep breath and started walking down the ramp. Roman followed close by but he had every intention on keeping his distance. He just knew he needed to be close just in case. Those two hadn't been near each other since Seth left six months earlier and there was no telling how it was gonna go.

"Hi Michelle," Seth said as he went to stand next to her.

She turned her head slowly, her eyes full of anger, and just stared at him for two seconds.

"What the fuck are you doing back here?" She asked in a cold tone.  
"Roman told you I was coming back," he answered.

She looked over at Roman and gave him a death stare. She had no memory of him telling her that but she knew he might have. Nothing people told her really stayed with her anymore. She turned her head back to Seth, her eyes still angry and cold.

"It wasn't enough for you to hurt me from afar? You just had to come back here and fuck me up even more?" She asked.  
"I never meant to hurt you, baby. Look..." He started.  
"Baby? You did not just call me baby!" She hissed.  
"Sorry, I know I lost that right," he said.  
"You damn right you did," she said. "You can save that word for whatever slut it was that you fucked over there."

She turned her focus back to the ring but he wasn't about to let her ignore him. Not now when she had opened that can of worms. Yes, he cheated overseas, one fateful time four months ago, and he was the only person to blame for their breakup but they needed to talk about it. He needed to talk about it, to apologize, to try and see if there was any love left for him in her heart because he had never stopped loving her. He grabbed her hand and she snapped her head back to stare at him again.

"Michelle, we need to talk. Please. You owe me that much," he said.  
"I don't owe you shit!" She hissed.  
"Hey! What the fuck are you doing touching my girl?" Mojo yelled from the ring.

They both looked up at Mojo who looked pissed off.

"Your girl?" Seth laughed and shook his head. "It didn't take you long to move in. I always knew you had your eyes on her."  
"Shouldn't leave your trash lying around like that for anyone to pick up," Mojo said.  
"Trash? Did you just call her fucking trash?" Seth yelled.

Roman moved in right away, placing a hand on Seth's shoulder to make sure he stayed put. He knew better than anyone just what Seth was capable of once he got mad and especially if anyone tried hurting Michelle. Seth had always been overly protective of her.

"No!" Roman spoke the word lowly, only for Seth to hear.

That was usually all it took. A touch and a word, something to keep Seth grounded, to make sure he understood there were other people around. Instead Seth turned to look at her, still keeping a firm grip on her hand while she struggled to pull it away.

"That's what you went with? Him?" He asked and pointed his free hand up at Mojo.  
"None of your business, asshole! Let me go!" She hissed.  
"You're better than that!" He yelled.

He grabbed her behind her head and pulled her close, leaning his forehead against hers. Instantly a certain smell hit him when he came that close to her face. That sure was something else he would like to talk to her about but not there in front of so many people.

"You're so much better than that," he softened his voice.  
"Let! Me! Go!" She spit out each word in a growl.

He sighed and finally let go off her. There wasn't anything else he could do right in that moment but that didn't mean he was about to back off completely. He was only backing off for now. Mojo jumped out of the ring, grabbed her wrist and yanked her towards him with such force that she stumbled over her own feet and almost landed on the floor.

"Hey!" Seth yelled.

Roman grabbed Seth's shoulder again, once again making sure he wouldn't launch at Mojo.

"She's not yours anymore, Seth," Mojo taunted. "That's what happens when you stick your dick inside some willing whore."  
"I swear to god if you hurt her..." Seth left the threat hanging.  
"Yeah yeah, swear away. You can't do shit. She's doesn't want you anymore," Mojo said as he pushed her up the ramp.  
"Michelle!" Seth called out to her, knowing she heard him even though she didn't turn around. "I'm here if you need me. I'm always here, baby."

He could see she raised her shoulders and shaked a little by him calling her baby again but other than that she didn't react at all. She just kept walking next to Mojo until both of them were gone.

"We need to talk," Roman said and pulled him aside towards a corner where no one could hear them. "Look, I can't be sure but Dean and I suspect something else is going on."  
"Like what?" Seth asked.  
"Like..." Roman sighed and ran his hand down her face. "Like she might be drinking."  
"I know. I could smell it in her breath," Seth said. "Maybe that's why she isn't wrestling anymore. Because she's drinking."  
"And that's not all," Roman continued. "We got a feeling something isn't right in that relationship."  
"Yeah, Mojo isn't right! I should be with her!" Seth snarled.  
"Seth!" Roman said firmly.  
"I know, Roman. I got that feeling too seeing how he yanked her around. If he hurts her, Roman... I mean it! If he hurts her and I find out, I'm gonna tear him apart!" Seth said warningly.

Roman reached over and placed his hand on Seth's shoulder again, giving the man a little friendly squeeze of comfort.

"Why did I fuck up so badly? I love her so much and I never wanted anyone but her. Why did I do it? Why did I hurt the one person I love so much?" Seth asked.  
"Only you can answer that," Roman answered.  
"I was just so fucking lonely over there and I missed her so much. I know it's not an excuse. I fucked up the one good thing in my life," Seth said.


	2. Five minutes

Dean rolled his eyes as Mojo's angry voice reached him as he was walking down the hallway. Everyone backstage knew by now that Mojo had a temper and that in real life he was nothing like the goofy gimmick he portraited in the ring.

Curious and annoying as he always preferred to be when it came to being close to Mojo and Michelle, someone had to keep an eye on Seth's girl because she would never be anything else to him, he opened the door without knocking and stuck his grinning head inside to look at the shouting couple. Well, only Mojo was shouting but Michelle was still in there as well.

"What the fuck do you want?" Mojo yelled at the grinning man.

Dean didn't even look at Mojo. His eyes rested solely on Michelle.

"Is everything alright in here?" He asked.  
"Everything's fine!" Mojo spat.  
"I wasn't talking to you, dipshit," Dean finally looked at Mojo.

The two men had a short staring contest, a contest that Dean always won and Mojo already knew it. Dean never backed down and it annoyed Mojo so much. He turned to look at Michelle again.

"When you're done with your bodyguard here, come find your rightful place again," he sneered.  
"Rightful place?" Dean chuckled in disbelief. "You really are something else."

Mojo pushed Dean aside and stormed out of the room. Dean stood there still chuckling and shaking his head before looking at her again.

"Come on, toots, I believe there's a cup of coffee with our names on it in catering," he flashed her a bright smile.  
"We're sharing?" She asked annoyed.

He let out a laugh as she walked towards him. It wasn't often he got the chance to talk to her anymore, not since she had drawn away from him and Roman after her breakup with Seth, but right now she gave him the chance and he jumped on it straight away.

"So how are you?" He asked once they were seated.

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. How was she? Not good. Nothing had been good ever since her and Seth had become history. Hell, nothing had been good ever since he left.

"Seth's back," she said, steering the conversation in another direction.  
"I know," he said.  
"Why didn't any of you tell me?" She asked.  
"We did. Or Roman did. Did you forget already?" He asked.  
"I guess," she shrugged her shoulders again.  
"You forget a lot these days," he said.

It was a statement she didn't care to answer and lucky for her she didn't have to as the door opened at the same time. Her luck didn't last though as Roman and Seth came walking in. They stopped in the open door and just stared at her and Dean sitting there. She looked around, well aware no one else was in there. Of all days this had to be one of those rare days where no one was in catering.

"Talk to him," Dean said lowly and patted her hand.  
"I don't want to," she said.  
"Five minutes. Give him five minutes. That's all I ask," he said.  
"Five minutes," she agreed.  
"Me and Roman will wait outside," he said.

Dean got up from his chair and nodded to Seth as he passed him. Shortly after the door closed and the room suddenly felt way too small as she found herself alone in there with Seth. He cleared his throat and sat down on the chair Dean had left empty beside her.

"I don't even know where to start," he began. "Sorry doesn't cut it at all but I'm so so sorry."  
"Yeah, so am I," she said.  
"What are you sorry for?" He asked.  
"That I ever trusted you," she answered.

He sighed at her verbal blow. He deserved it. Hell, he deserved way worse and he actually had expected way worse. Maybe she was just warming up or maybe she had already screamed out everything she had inside at a picture of him or maybe, the one thing he dreaded the most, maybe she just didn't care anymore.

"Why did you do it?" She asked. "And don't give me any stupid drunk excuse."  
"Well, I was drunk but that wasn't why. I was lonely and I missed you like crazy so I went out and got drunk and suddenly she was there. I thought she could be a cure for my loneliness but I knew it was wrong. I regretted it even before I went home with her and still I didn't stop myself. I wish I could tell you why but honestly, I don't know. All I know is that I fucked up everything and I wanna fix it," he said.  
"Fix it?" She let out a cold laugh. "You can't fix it, Seth. It's too late."  
"Please, don't say that. I'll do anything," he begged.

He reached for her hand, holding it tightly between both of his while lifting it up to his lips. He kissed it softly before leaning it against his cheek, closing his eyes to try and stop the tears that threatened to spill.

"I miss you so much," he mumbled.  
"You'll do anything?" Her voice was still cold. "Tell me. Tell me everything you did to her."  
"What?" He opened his eyes and stared at her.  
"You heard me. How did you fuck her? Was she any good?" She asked.

He knew it was a trap. There wasn't any right answer. He could answer her, spill out the details, give her the mental image of him together with some woman he couldn't even remember the name of, and it would push her further away. Or he could refuse to answer, which in her world would make it seem like he was trying to hide something more from her, and that too would push her further away. So he went with option one. At least that way it would all be out in the open and maybe, just maybe, there would be a return from that one.

"I was being selfish. I didn't touch her or try to give her any pleasure. I just laid on my back, trying to picture you, while she was on top of me," he answered.  
"Was she any good?" She asked.  
"No, because she wasn't you. Halfway through I came to my senses. I just threw her off me, closed my pants and stormed out of her home without even saying goodbye," he said. "And then I called you the second I was back at my own place."  
"Best phonecall of my life," she said sarcastically.

He looked down ashamed. Not ashamed he had made that phonecall, that had been the right thing to do, but ashamed that he had went home with that woman and ruined everything between them. Stopping in the middle of the act didn't mean anything. Regardless that none of them had cum, he had still fucked her.

"Time's up," she said.

She stood up and once again he reached for her hand, his eyes and voice begging out to her.

"Please, Michelle. Give me a chance to fix this somehow," he said.  
"You can only fix what's broken, not what's completely destroyed," she said and yanked her hand free. "And you destroyed us."

She walked towards the door and he let her. Everything inside him screamed for him to jump up, take her in his arms and refuse to let go but he just sat there.

"Hey," he said softly before she opened the door. "Don't shut Roman and Dean out. Punish me all you want because I fucking deserve it but don't punish them for what I did. They're still your friends."

She let out a sigh and nodded and then she opened the door and walked out of it. Roman and Dean stood there and looked at her. She gave them a little, weak smile before walking down the hallway.


	3. And Deano was his name-o

As Dean approached his home late that afternoon, he couldn't help but snickering as he came closer and heard her voice. He walked up his driveway and found her lying on her back on his porch, an empty bottle of white wine next to her and a still closed bottle of expensive champagne in her hand. She just lied there, singing, just like he remembered his funny friend.

 _There was a farmer who had a dog_  
 _And Deano was his name-o_  
 _D-E-A-N-O_  
 _D-E-A-N-O_  
 _D-E-A-N-O_  
 _And Deano was his name-o_

He shook his head and laughed a little louder. She heard him and looked up at him through drunken eyes, a smile creeping up on her face.

"Hey Deano," she chirped.  
"Toots," he chuckled. "You're drunk."  
"My my, he has eyes," she said.

She pushed herself up to sit and he reached a hand down to help her up to stand. The champagne bottle never left her other hand.

"I got this," she said and held the bottle up in front of her.  
"I don't think it's wise if you drink that too," he said.

She pretended not to have heard him as she continued talking.

"Mojo is really into wine and champagne and this..." She shook the bottle lightly. "This is his most treasured one. He's been holding on to it for years, saying he's saving it for something special."  
"So you stole it?" He was still laughing.  
"Seth is back. Don't you think that's special?" She asked.

He walked over to unlock the door, opened it and looked at her.

"Are you coming inside?" He asked.  
"Will you help me drink this?" She held up the bottle again.  
"You shouldn't be drinking," he said.  
"Then I'm not coming in," she said.  
"Fine," he sighed. "You're already drunk so better you're in here getting more drunk than somewhere not safe. And I wouldn't mind helping you stick it to dipshit by emptying that bottle."  
"I knew there was a reason you're my best friend," she giggled.

She walked over to him and gave him a little slap on his butt before entering his home.

"I'm ordering pizza though. Can't have you throwing up everywhere," he said.  
"Fine by me," she said.  
"Anything special?" He asked.  
"Whatever you want. I'm not picky," she said.

He walked out into the kitchen and tried calling both Seth and Roman first. Both of their phones went to voicemails. He knew they were at the gym and that their phones were probably locked away in a locker as they worked out. He sent both of them the same text.

 _"I got a drunk Michelle at my house. Come over."_

Then he ordered pizza and walked back into the livingroom just to see her pop open the champagne. She put the bottle to her lips and took a big swig.

"Damn, that shit's nasty!" She laughed. "Why would anybody wanna save this?"  
"Let me try," he took the bottle and took a swig as well. "Fucking hell, toots, that shit is nasty."

A couple of hours later Seth and Roman showed up at Dean's house. The second Seth had seen the text from Dean, he had dragged Roman to the car and they had driven straight over. The sound of drunken laughter hit them right away and they followed it into the livingroom where Michelle and Dean were on the floor, laughing and drinking.

"Oh, hi guys," Dean chuckled. "We got a headstart on you. Beers in the fridge."  
"This looks cozy," Roman said before walking to the kitchen to get two beers.  
"What are you doing?" Seth asked and sat down, eyeing Michelle who only looked at Dean though.  
"We're doing sex truths. Kinda like truth or dare, only no dares and we only ask sex questions. She just asked me about my weirdest sex encounter," Dean answered.  
"Oh lord, not the cow stable story again," Roman chuckled as he came back.  
"That's the one," Dean grinned and winked.  
"That was so funny," she giggled.  
"Don't laugh, toots. Those damn creatures kept mooing back whenever she let out a scream and she was a fucking screamer. I don't know who was the loudest, her or the cows," Dean said.

That statement sent everyone into laughter for a little while.

"My turn," Dean said and grinned at her. "Something you don't like when it comes to sex?"  
"Giving blowjobs," she answered.  
"That's a lie," Seth humphed.

Her eyes finally landed on him and there was something in them that he really didn't like seeing.

"I used to like it. I don't anymore," she said.  
"Why not?" Dean asked.  
"I can't remember the last time I gave one of my own free will," she answered.

Her tone didn't change as she put the truth out there. Her eyes didn't water up or anything. She just sat there, staring at Seth expressionlessly as he tried to wrap his mind around what she was trying to say. Roman and Dean had gotten quiet as well and the air was suddenly thick of tension.

"Great fucking game, Dean," she growled.

She pushed herself up to stand, swaying as she started walking out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Seth asked.  
"Bathroom. Do I need your permission?" She asked without looking back.

The three men stared at each other, almost holding their breaths, until they heard the bathroom door close.

"Please, tell me I didn't hear what I just think I did," Seth looked at them beggingly.  
"You did," Roman said.  
"Damn it, Dean, why would you let her drink? If you think she drinks too often, why would you let her?" Seth lashed out.  
"She was already drunk on my porch when I got home. She wouldn't come in if I wouldn't let her continue drinking. I figured better having her here where I can control her rather than her turning up dead in a ditch somewhere," Dean said.  
"Fuck!" Seth growled and pushed himself up on his feet. "I better go check on her."

He walked out in the hallway and waited for her to finish in the bathroom. She looked at him surprised when she opened the door and found him standing there. Without saying anything he took her hand and guided her into the near by guest room. She walked straight over to the bed and lied down on it. He closed the door and followed, climbing over her to lie between her and the wall. She took out her phone and looked at it, gave a little unsatisfied growl and dropped it on the floor.

"Something wrong?" He asked.  
"No, nothing. No texts or phone calls," she answered.  
"That's good, isn't it?" He asked.  
"I got no friends," she sighed.  
"That's not true. You got Roman, Dean and me," he said.  
"Shut up, Seth!" She said annoyed.

He popped his head up on his elbow, looking at her lying there drunk out of her mind and still just as beautiful as ever. He missed her so much and he would give anything to be back with her. She lied there with closed eyes and he thought she was about to pass out from the alcohol. He was taken by surprise when she suddenly started speaking.

"My contract was up, you know. I had one week left and they had given me a new contract but I hadn't signed it. I hadn't told you but the company you were with had offered me a deal too. I was gonna take it and come over to you. I was gonna tell you that day and I got so happy when you called," she said.  
"Fuck!" He burst out. "I'm sorry, baby."

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I didn't cry. I never cried when it came to you. I was so angry after that call that I signed the contract, went straight to the office to hand it in and then went to the nearest bar. I figured I could always cry in the morning but I never did," she said.  
"You sucked it up?" He asked.  
"No, I woke up naked in Mojo's bed and I just stayed there, I guess. I figured I might as well move on right away, seeing you had done the same," she said.  
"That's not true," he said and reached his hand over to stroke her cheek. "I never moved on from you. I made a mistake, a huge fucking mistake, but I still love you. I don't think I can ever stop loving you."  
"That's your problem," she said.

She pushed his hand away and closed her eyes again, not wanting to see him anymore, but of course he didn't go away.

"But why Mojo of all people?" He asked.  
"I don't know. I don't even remember hooking up with him. I remember him coming to the bar along with some of the others and we drank a lot. I have a huge black out when it comes to that night. I don't remember hooking up with him or even leaving the bar," she answered.  
"What? So he took advantage of you when you were drunk?" He asked shocked.  
"Who fucking cares? It turned out fine. We're together now," she said.  
"I care!" He bit her off.

She rolled over on her side so he couldn't see her face anymore. He stared at her back and shoulder, wanting to hold her so bad.

"You're not worthy of being loved," she said lowly and sleepily.  
"Gee, thanks a lot," he said crossly.  
"You're not worthy, Michelle," she said as she trailed off to sleep.

His eyed widened as he realized she was talking about herself and not him. Her breathing got heavy and he knew she was asleep.

"Yes, you are, baby. You're more than worthy," he said as he lied back down. "God, I fucked you up royally, didn't I? Give me a chance to correct it. Give me a chance to love you again. I promise I'll never hurt you again."

He moved in close and wrapped an arm around her waist, taking in her scent, holding her close as he silently cried into her hair. He tightened his grip around her as much as he could, forcing her drunk sleeping body up against his chest, never wanting to let her go again.


	4. Not worthy

She woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. Still groggy and now hungover too after last night, she couldn't even open her eyes. She reached her hand down to feel the floor until she finally felt her fingers connect with her phone. She picked it up and answered it without even looking to see who was calling.

"Lo," she grunted, not able to get the entire "hello" out.  
"Where are you?" Mojo's angry voice sounded on the other end.  
"I don't know," she answered.  
"You don't know? How the fuck don't you know where you are?" He shouted.

She felt movement behind her and heard a sigh followed by a groan. As the arm tightened around her waist, first then did she realize that someone was actually cuddling with her. And not just anyone. Seth. She could recognize his body and his hold on her anytime. It felt familiar, it felt good, it felt safe. And yet she got scared.

"Who is it?" He asked sleepily.  
"Who the fuck is that?" Mojo yelled as he heard the male voice. "Did you fuck someone else behind my back? Oh, you bitch, you better get over here right now or I'm gonna..."

She never heard the rest of it as Seth took the phone from her and hung up.

"I think we heard enough out of that idiot," he said.  
"Give that back," she said, suddenly fully awake.  
"Don't take that kind of shit from him. You deserve better," he said.  
"Like what? You? Because you fucked some other woman and I don't see how that's any better," she lashed out.

He sighed and handed her phone back to her, knowing this would be a losing battle if he tried continuing.

"If only I could show you how bad I feel inside," he said.  
"You feel bad?" She laughed. "How the fuck do you think I feel?"  
"Terrible," he said.  
"That's right. Terrible," she said.

She pushed herself out of bed, growling at the headache and nausea that came along with standing up.

"I'll never stop telling you how sorry I am. I'll fucking follow you around like a little puppy telling you every hour if that's what it takes," he said.

Getting the image stuck in her brain of him crawling after her on all four, constantly saying sorry, had her laughing straight away. He wasn't sure why she was laughing all of the sudden but he couldn't help but smile at the sound. Her laughter died out and she just shook her head and walked out of the room without a word. He hurried out of the bed and followed.

"Wait up, baby," he grabbed her arm.  
"Please, don't call me baby," she sighed.

At least she wasn't angry about it like the day before and he figured it somehow meant something good even though she still wasn't happy about it.

"Are you gonna be alright?" He asked.  
"As alright as I always am," she answered.  
"So that's a no," he said.

She stared at him but he just stared right back, silently challenging her to try and contradict that statement. After a few seconds she looked down defeated.

"Do you need a ride somewhere?" He asked.  
"No, I'll walk. I could use some fresh air," she answered.

Without thinking he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She didn't hug him back but she didn't fight him either. She just let him do what he felt the need to do right in that moment.

"Be safe," he mumbled down in her hair. "And remember I'm only a phone call away. You can always count on me to come running."

She nodded against his chest and he finally let go off her. Not because he wanted to but because he knew he had to. She turned around and walked out of the house without saying anything.

"You two alright?" Dean made his presence known.  
"I don't know," Seth answered honestly.  
"I think you're getting there," Dean said.  
"How can you be so sure?" Seth asked.

Dean didn't get a chance to answer as Roman showed up as well. He mumbled a "good morning" as he walked past them and out of the house. Seth and Dean moved to a window to see he was standing out there hugging her.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I just needed to let you know I've missed you. We've missed you," he said.  
"I'm so sorry, Roman," she said lowly.  
"Don't be. Just don't stay away from us anymore. We need you in our lives. Do you think you can handle that?" He asked.  
"I still love him, Roman," she started crying. "I wish to god I didn't but I do and it hurts so fucking much."  
"I know, sweetheart," he said and stroked her back.

A couple of minutes later Roman walked back in and joined Seth and Dean.

"As I was saying before Roman walked out there, I think everything's gonna be alright," Dean started the conversation again. "I mean, how many times has she been hanging out with us every since they broke up, Roman?"  
"Zero," Roman answered.  
"Exactly. Then you come back and I find her on my porch not even a day later. That means something and you know it, Seth," Dean said.  
"You even slept in the same bed," Roman chuckled.  
"She passed out drunk. I would hardly call it sleeping," Seth said.  
"And I bet you cuddled right up to her and held her tight the entire night," Roman said and winked.  
"Yeah," Seth smiled. "It felt so good having her in my arms again."  
"I say there's still hope for you," Dean said.  
"Top that with the fact that she just told me outside that she still loves you," Roman said.  
"She did?" Seth asked surprised.

The fresh air didn't help with her headache. Even if she hadn't been hungover, her hard thinking would still have provided the headache. Mojo was pissed off. She knew that much and she really wasn't looking forward to seeing him. Still she made her way to his house and knocked on the door. A very angry face stared at her as the door was ripped open. She opened her mouth to speak but never got a word out before he yanked her inside by her hair and slammed her up against the wall.

"Where the fuck were you?" He growled.  
"With Dean," she answered.  
"You're fucking him now?" He asked angrily.  
"No. I slept in the guest room," she answered.  
"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" He asked.  
"It's the truth," she answered. "Please, Mojo, you're hurting me. I did nothing wrong."

His hand found its way under her top, grabbing a chunk of her stomach, slowly starting to twist it around. It hurt like hell and he knew it. She whimpered within seconds, begging for him to let go. She knew a bruise would be left and she would be sore the next couple of days. It was far from the first time he twisted her skin around like that.

"Say it," he said.  
"Say what?" She cried.  
"You know what I wanna hear. Come on, say it!" He barked as he twisted her skin even more.  
"I'm not worthy..." She started.  
"No!" His let go off her skin and instead slammed his fist into her stomach, knocking the air out of her momentarily. "Say it like I wanna hear it."

There was no way around it and it wasn't hard to say. All she had to do was switch the word "I" out with "you", talking about herself as if she wasn't herself. She hated it. It never got any easier for each time even though she had done it so many times now.

"You're not worthy of being loved, Michelle," she said robotically.  
"That's right, you're not worthy!" He sneered as he leaned in close. "You think anybody else would ever want you? Even Seth found something better to fuck and everyone thought he was so into you. You're lucky I care to keep you around."

He yanked her off the wall and pushed her towards the bathroom.

"Now get in the fucking shower! You stink!" He barked. "And don't you dare get dressed afterwards. I got plans for you."


	5. Broken glass

Waking up in his bed was never a fun task. At least they didn't live together so she didn't spend every night there. He expected her to come running whenever he called and demanded it and she always did. Just like she had done the day before. Sitting up to get out of bed shot pain through her stomach and she groaned out loud. It never got any easier to deal with the pain.

"Shut up!" He growled.  
"Sorry, I'm just really sore," she said.  
"You got what you deserved," he said and rolled over on the other side.

She gritted her teeth and managed to push herself out of bed without another sound. She walked to the bathroom and studied herself in the mirror. The blue bruise on her stomach was new although she never could tell the bruises apart anymore. He always left them either on her stomach or back, somewhere where people would never see them because she could easily cover them up.

He slept for another hour. An hour she treasured. An hour of peace. An hour without having to see or hear him. When he finally rolled out of bed and got dressed, she was stuck again. Stuck with a man she didn't love. She didn't even like him. He had caught her at her lowest point and done everything to send her down even further and now she had no clue how to get back up. She wasn't worthy.

When they finally made it to the arena hours later, she felt like she could breathe again. Weird how being in a public place surrounded by people that she tried so hard to avoid actually made her feel better. At least he wouldn't lash out in front of others. Verbally maybe but not physically.

"Go get me a water," he demanded.

She nodded and went on her way. She was only happy to run errands for him. It gave her some time away from him. When she came back, the door to his locker room was ajar and she could hear him talking with Zack Ryder. She peeked through the crack at them while listening. None of them noticed her.

"So we're on tonight, right?" Mojo asked.  
"Yeah, a bunch of us is going. Alicia is coming too," Zack answered.  
"You're finally gonna make a move?" Mojo asked.  
"I don't know. I like her a lot but I'm not sure if the feeling's mutual," Zack answered.  
"So don't give her a choice. Just make it happen," Mojo said.

He reached into his bag and handed something to Zack. She couldn't see what it was. Something small. Zack stared at whatever was now in his hand and then back at Mojo.

"What's this?" Zack asked.  
"Just a little pill to give you easy access," Mojo said and grinned.  
"You want me to drug her?" Zack asked shocked.  
"Hey, it works," Mojo chuckled. "How do you think I got Michelle? She thinks she was just drunk out of her mind. I'm telling you, man, this shit works. I still got Michelle."  
"But... it's rape," Zack tried.  
"I wouldn't call it that. She's sleeping. It's not like she's actally saying no or fighting you on it," Mojo said.  
"Alright. Thanks, I guess," Zack managed to fake a smile.

She quickly moved away from the door so it looked like she was just walking back to the locker room as Zack came walking out of it. He gave her a look, one that screamed of him being sorry, but he didn't say anything as he walked away.

"Here," she said as she reached the water bottle to Mojo.  
"I'm going out tonight," he said.

It was a statement, not a question if she wanted to come along or not. She knew he didn't want her to and she was only happy not to go.

"Have fun," she said.  
"Planning on it," he said.

He left the locker room to go warm up. She was supposed to stay, after all she was his valet and part of the show, but she couldn't. Her brain just shut down and her feet carried her out of the building and back home to her own house. Back home to safety, back home to the darkness, back home to the pain relief. No one noticed she was gone until a couple of hours later when Mojo was set to be in the ring and she was nowhere to be found.

"Where the fuck is that bitch?" He spat.

No one could give him the answer and he was forced to go out there alone. The commentators came up with a lame excuse about her not feeling well and therefore she wasn't present this evening. What else could they say?

"Seth," Zack found him walking down the hallway.  
"Not now, Zack. Michelle's missing," Seth said.  
"It's important," Zack said.

Seth stopped and looked at Zack as he placed a pill in his hand.

"What's this?" Seth asked.  
"Rohypnol," Zack answered.  
"Why the fuck are you handing me a date rape drug?" Seth sneered.  
"Mojo gave it to me. He wants me to use it on Alicia. I would never," Zack shook his head. "He said... fuck! He said he gave one to Michelle the first time they were together."

Seth drove to her house in record time. It was dark and indicated that no one was home but he knew better. He could hear the low sound of music coming from inside. She had to be there. He knocked but as expected no one answered. He tried the door handle and the door opened. The sound of Miia's song "Dynasty" immetiately hit him loud. Not his type of music but the lyrics hit him clean. No doubt it was meant for him.

He followed the sound of the music, it got louder and louder, until he was finally in the livingroom. The stereo was placed right beside the open doorway and he immetiately hit the power button and everything went quiet. He couldn't hear or see her but he could feel she was in there. He reached for the light switch but nothing happened as he clicked on it.

"It won't work," she mumbled.  
"Huh?" he asked.  
"I took out the light bulbs," she said. "I prefer the darkness."

He walked inside the room, hearing the sound of broken glass as he stepped on it. He tried stepping forward to get away from it but it just continued.

"What the fuck?" He muttered.

He found his phone and switched on the flashlight and shined down on the floor. Broken light bulbs and mirrors were spread over most of the floor.

"What the hell happened here?" He asked.  
"You fucked another woman," she answered.  
"You mean to tell me you've stepped on broken glass for four months?" He asked in disbelief.  
"Yeah, there about," she answered.

He shined the flashlight towards her voice and saw her sitting on the couch. Broken glass or not, he had to get to her so he stepped on it until he could finally see all of her. She sat in her underwear, looking like she was about to fall asleep. He shined the light on the table to see an almost empty bottle of brandy and next to it pills were spread out.

"What are those?" He asked.  
"Painkillers and sleeping pills," she answered.  
"How many of these did you take?" He asked scared.  
"Relax, I'm not gonna kill myself over you. They help me get through the day and sleep at night," she answered.  
"So alcohol and pills?" He asked.  
"I don't drink everyday but I guess you won't believe me since I've been drinking non stop the last two days, ever since you came back," she answered. "But I need my pills so you either shut up about it or fuck off."

Her eyes started to get heavy and he moved closer, placing a knee on the couch while he lightly tapped her on the cheek.

"Hey, stay awake, baby," he said.

All he got in return was an unsatisfied grunt while she tried to push his hand away. She didn't have the strength to do it so she gave up and dropped her hand again. As he tried to keep her awake, the light trailed down her body and suddenly he noticed the bruise on her stomach.

"What the fuck, Michelle? What happened?" He asked.

Normally she would lie about it but being so far gone, almost asleep, her mind didn't even think about lying.

"Mojo," she answered lowly.  
"He did this to you?" He asked shocked.

She didn't answer and he shined the light back on her face. She seemed to have fallen asleep.

"That's it. I'm taking you with me," he said firmly.

He quickly walked through the room and into the bedroom. To no surprise the light didn't work in there either. He opened the closet and grabbed the nearest clothes he got his hands on, a top and a pair of cotton shorts, and then walked back into the livingroom. It took some time to get the clothes on her since she wasn't responsive at all but he managed. He lifted her up, carried her to the car and gently laid her down on the back seat before getting into the driver's seat.

"Everything's gonna be alright, baby. I promise. I'm gonna take care of you just like I used to," he said and sighed as he took a look back at her sleeping form. "This is all my fault. I never should have left in the first place."


	6. You're staying

Seth, Roman and Dean all stood in Seth's bedroom looking at the sleeping woman in Seth's bed. As soon as he had gotten her inside and into his bed, he had called his two friends and they had come rushing over.

"Pills," Roman sighed. "We never suspected that."  
"Can't say I blame her after seeing that," Dean said and pointed at her stomach.

Although the top was now covering the bruise again, Seth had revealed it to them just a minute earlier. He needed them to know what exactly was going on. He needed them on board. She needed all three of them to make it through and come out on the other side.

"She's gonna be out for a long time," Seth said.  
"You want us to stay here?" Roman asked.  
"Yes, but right now we're going out," Seth said.

He walked out of the bedroom and Roman and Dean followed right behind.

"Where to?" Roman asked.  
"Mojo," Seth answered.  
"Yes!" Dean said and cracked his knuckles.  
"Hey, wait a minute. You can't just walk over there and start beating him up," Roman said.  
"Why not?" Seth stopped and gave him a challenging look.  
"What if he calls the police?" Roman asked.  
"He won't. If he does, everything he's done goes public as well. You saw how she looked and I already took pictures of it. And on top of that we got Zack and his story with date rape drugs. Already talked to him. He's backing us up all the way and..." Seth started walking again. "...He told me Mojo's already gone home for the night so I'm going over there whether you like it or not."  
"I'm with you," Dean said.  
"Do you honestly think I'll let you two run wild without me?" Roman asked.

Mojo wondered who was knocking on his door in the middle of the night. He had gotten home 30 minutes earlier, pissed off about Nikki Bella not taking his offer to go home with him. Maybe she had changed her mind. Maybe it was her knocking. He smiled at the thought as he went to open the door. He wasn't greeted by Nikki though. He was greeted by Seth's fist slamming straight into his nose.

"Seth! Not out here where everyone can see!" Roman said.

Seth was already half way through the door before Roman had finished the sentence. Dean and Roman quickly followed and closed the door behind them. Seth already had his hands on Mojo's shirt, lifting him up to slam him up against the wall.

"You little piece of shit!" Seth growled.

He headbutted Mojo and let go as pain shot through his own head as well. Mojo fell down to the ground again. Dean laughed and stepped in where Seth had just been standing, yanking Mojo back up against the wall.

"And that's why you should always leave the headbutts to me," Dean chuckled. "My skull is thick enough to take it."

He placed a headbutt on Mojo as well and once again the man fell to the ground, whimpering from pain. A solid kick to his stomach from Roman made the whimpering stop as he suddenly had no air inside him to get any sound out.

"You!" Seth growled as he bent over Mojo and grabbed him again to yank him close to his face. "You will never go near her again! You hear me?"

Mojo slowly nodded but that only made Seth even more angry so his fist connected with Mojo's face again, only this time it hit his cheek instead of his nose.

"I asked, did you hear me?" Seth yelled.  
"Yes!" Mojo whimpered.  
"Good boy," Seth said sarcastically.

He let go and took a couple of steps back. All three men stood side by side and just looked down at the bleeding man on the ground.

"Seth?" Roman asked.  
"I'm good," Seth held his hands up. "We can leave."  
"Mojo," Roman found Mojo's eyes. "We know all about what you've done and we got pictures. And you were stupid enough to hand Zack date rape drugs today and even admitting to what you did to Michelle. If I were you, I'd keep quiet about what happened here tonight."  
"I won't say anything. I promise," Mojo cried.  
"You're so fucking pathetic," Seth scoffed before kicking Mojo's knee just for good measure.

Another whimper came from Mojo's mouth as he wrapped his hands around his knee to ease the pain somehow.

"By the way, dipshit, we drank your 500 dollar bottle champagne and it tasted like piss," Dean said and chuckled.

They left Mojo bleeding and crying on the floor and drove straight back to Seth's place. Michelle was still far away in dreamland as they knew she would be. She hadn't even turned around.

"Get some sleep," Roman said as they all stood there looking at her again.  
"I don't think I can," Seth said.  
"Just lie down and relax then. We'll stay up tonight so you're ready to take over in the morning when she wakes up and her body starts craving those pills," Roman said.  
"Thanks guys," Seth managed to get a little smile out. "Oh, can one of you drive to her house and pack her belongings once the sun rises? There's no light in the house so you can't see shit right now."  
"I'll go," Dean said.  
"Don't take your shoes off. There's broken glass everywhere," Seth said.  
"Why?" Dean asked.  
"Because of me. It's a story for another time," Seth said.

Roman and Dean nodded and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Seth stripped down to his boxers and crawled down on the bed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

"I'll never let you go again, baby. I love you too much," he said.

The bedroom door opened in the early morning hours and Dean made his presence known, carrying some bags which Seth knew had Michelle's belongings inside them. Dean quietly put them down on the floor before looking at the two persons lying in bed. She was still asleep while Seth had hardly slept at all.

"Thanks," Seth said lowly.  
"Don't mention it," Dean smiled. "Ehm, Seth, how much of her house did you see last night?"  
"Not much. Why? Is it bad?" Seth asked.  
"It's completely trashed, like someone drove a bulldozer through it," Dean answered.  
"I really pissed her off," Seth sighed.  
"Make it right," Dean's words came as an order instead of a plea. "Make it right, Seth."  
"I'm planning on it," Seth said.  
"Just so you know, I flushed all the pills," Dean said.

A low groan came from her and she moved around in bed. Dean nodded at Seth and quickly made his way out of the bedroom again. A few seconds later she opened her eyes and looked around confused before her eyes found Seth.

"Hey baby, how did you sleep?" He asked.  
"Where am I?" She asked confused.  
"In my apartment," he answered.  
"How did I get here?" She asked.  
"I brought you here. You passed out last night and I took you home with me," he answered.  
"Isn't that kidnapping?" She asked.  
"I suppose it is," he chuckled as his hand found its way under her top, gently stroking her side. "But it was totally worth it to have you in my bed."

She allowed it to happen for a short while. She didn't want to but she couldn't help it. It felt so good having him touching her again, feeling his fingertips brush gently over her skin like they used to. After a short while she took a deep breath and pushed his arm away.

"Yeah, well, dreamtime is over. I need to go home," she said.

She tried sitting up but he pushed her straight down. His eyes were soft and hard at the same time. It was a look she had never seen in them before.

"You're staying," he said.  
"No," she said.  
"Dean flushed the pills. There's nothing there to poison your body with. You're staying," he said.  
"I can always get some more," she said defiantly.

Once again she tried to push herself up and once again she found herself being pushed back down by him.

"Let me go, you fucker!" She shouted and slapped him hard.

The slap took him by surprise but still he didn't miss a beat. He was fast on top of her, straddling her while pinning her hands down.

"Hey!" He yelled first before lowering his voice again. "You're staying! I read somewhere it takes three days for the physical urge to leave the body and I'm not fucking leaving your side in those three days. You're gonna hate me, but baby, you can scream and shout and cry and fucking slap me all you want. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

She gave up the struggle and her body just went limp under him as she faced defeat. He let go off her hands and instead laid down and wrapped his arms around her neck and back to hold her close. The way her body slowly started to shake, he knew she was crying.

"I hate you," she finally said through her tears.  
"That's alright, baby. I still love you," he said.


	7. Did I lose you for good?

Seth called in sick for the rest of the week, claiming to have been hit with the same bug as Michelle. He even came up with an excuse of her throwing up so much that she had passed out and therefore hadn't been able to call in sick the night before. They bought it and it saved her ass.

Roman and Dean came by as much as possible, juggling between living their own lives, going to the arena and being with Seth and Michelle. Two days into the week the word was out that Mojo had asked for his release and had been granted it. No one had seen him. Only the word went around. It was a victory in itself and Seth felt like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders. That was one less worry in his world.

Michelle switched between bitch mode and sad mode the first three days, lashing out and yelling. He was there for her through it all, seeing how she struggled to stay with him and not run for the hills in search for pills. She had several chances at getting out but she never took them. He knew she didn't want the life she had built for herself the last four months and he was proud of her fighting her way through it even if it meant that he had to take a couple of hits along the way.

As the week ran out she seemed to be getting better slowly. He started taking her to the arena again, forcing her to come clean with Stephanie McMahon right away. He was with her at the meeting as she laid down all the cards for their boss, telling her about Mojo and the pill abuse. Stephanie was understanding as Seth knew she would be. She had always been a good boss. She told Michelle to take her time, stay around backstage until she was ready to be on camera again and then they'd find a role that would suit her. Wrestler, manager or valet. They'd figure it out.

Seth knew there was only one place he really wanted to see Michelle again and that was back inside the ring, fighting her way through opponent after opponent, just like she used to just a half year earlier before he left. She was great in the ring and everyone knew it. She didn't deserve being pushed back as a valet or a manager. She deserved the spotlight.

Slowly they worked themselves into a routine. She stayed at Seth's apartment. They slept side by side in his bed, usually tangled up in each other as he just couldn't resist holding her. They had become friends as she worked on gaining her trust back at him. He had continued apologizing on a daily basis until she had said one day that enough was enough. She got it. He was sorry. After that the apologies stopped but he never missed out on telling her he loved her every day. He just hoped she would let him back in again. Being her friend was good but it wasn't all he wanted. He wanted more. He wanted things to go back to what they once were before he screwed everything up.

"I talked to Stephanie," she said three weeks down the road.  
"About?" He asked.  
"Coming back. They wanna make a stable with Alicia, Naomi and Tamina and they want me to be their manager or maybe more like their leader telling them who to attack and when to strike. You know, that sort of thing," she answered.  
"Will you be satisfied with that?" He asked.  
"I guess," she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't feel like I belong inside that ring anymore."  
"But you do," he cut her off.

She sighed and he knew not to push it further right there. Instead he pulled her in for a hug and talked lowly down in her hair.

"I just think you're better than that," he said.

He left her there and went to find Roman and Dean, quickly filling them in on the plans of the stable and Michelle's part in it.

"It's not right," he said.  
"You can say that again. She's way better than that," Dean agreed.  
"But what can I do?" Seth sighed.  
"We can't tell you what to do but you're probably the only one who is able to get through to her somehow. You just gotta figure out how to play your cards right," Roman said.

Seth looked down, thinking about it, then slowly nodded.

"You're right," he said. "I am. And I will."  
"That a boy," Roman grinned.

Seth waited in gorilla as the show finished, watching as the arena cleared out of people. She came back there and found him a little later.

"Ready to go?" She asked.  
"We're not leaving," he said.

He took her hand and started walking into the arena with her. She followed without asking any questions even though she had no idea what was going on. The arena was empty and their footsteps eccoed slightly as they walked down the ramp. He lifted her up on the apron and quickly rolled under the ropes himself, waving his hand for her to join him in there.

"What are we doing here?" She asked.  
"We're gonna fight," he said determined as he pulled off his hoodie and tossed it on the outside floor. "Right now."  
"Excuse me?" She asked in disbelief.  
"You heard me. Come on, baby, fight me," he said.

He spread his legs a little, bowed over just slightly, that annoying smirk he usually got on his face when he was in character came out and he waved both his hands, silently telling her to attack in that provocative manner that only he could bring.

"I'm not fighting you," she said stubbornly.  
"Oh yes, you are," he said.  
"No," she said annoyed and crossed her arms.  
"Manager? Valet?" He taunted. "There was a time where you were actually _worth_ looking at out here."

He used the word "worth" on purpose, knowing she still had a lot of anger inside after being told so many times by Mojo that she wasn't worthy. It worked. He saw her facial expression change.

"That's it, baby, I see you in there," he chuckled.  
"Fuck you," she said lowly.  
"Aw, it's like that, is it?" Again that taunting tone. "You think you can hurt my feelings? Nah, I'm not the one hurting here. You are. And you're just too scared to let it out."  
"I cried that morning," she mumbled.  
"You didn't do shit! You cried over the loss of your pills, not over the loss of me. You said it yourself when I came back. You never cried over me. It's like you never even cared about me," he said.

That worked. He was the one in the wrong all the time and no way in hell was she gonna let him make it out as if she hadn't cared about him at all. The dropkick to his chest took him by surprise, sending him straight down in the mat. He had forgotten how much force she could put in that single move. He put a hand on his chest, laughing as he slowly got back up.

"That's it? That's all you got?" He kept provoking her.

She flew through the air, launching herself at him, raining blows and kicks down on him and he did his best to fight back. Soon they had a good old wrestling match going on and he loved every second of it. After several minutes he finally felt he had gotten out of her what he wanted and he backed her up against one of the turnbuckles.

"You see, baby. You belong in here," he said.  
"You hurt me," she said as the tears over him finally came out. "You hurt me so fucking bad."  
"I know, baby, and I'm so sorry," he said.

He couldn't help but smile at her tears though. Not a mocking smile, just a warming smile. She finally connected with all her hidden emotions and as painful as it was, it was also necessary.

"That's it, baby, let it all out," he said. "You're still beautiful when you cry, do you know that?"  
"Idiot," she giggled through her tears.  
"I love you so much," he said as he reached his hand up to stroke her cheek. "I wish I could go back and change what I did but I can't. I never should have hurt you and I promise you I never will again. I just don't hope I lost you for good."

He bit his lip, fighting back his own tears.

"Did I? Did I lose you for good?" He asked scared.

She looked at him for five painful seconds of silence before suddenly grabbing his t-shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. It completely surprised him but he wasn't backing away. If anything he pushed himself into her even further, lowly moaning at the long missed contact of her lips, wrapping his arms tight around her to make sure she wouldn't suddenly come to her senses and push him away again. For a little while they stood like that, lost in the kiss, until she broke it and pulled her head back enough to look him in the eyes.

"What do you say I sell the house and just stay in your crappy apartment?" She asked.  
"Well, we better clean up the house first," he chuckled.

She slapped his chest and laughed.

"Yeah, that might be a good plan. I was slightly angry that day," she said.  
"Slightly? Baby, you were a fucking hurricane by the looks of it," he said.  
"Shut up or I'll take back the offer," she said.  
"Slightly angry, totally," he said quickly. "But how about we find somewhere else than my crappy apartment? Somewhere new where we can start over completely?"  
"I like the sound of that," she said.

She leaned forward for another kiss, feeling how he once again pushed her up against the turnbuckle.

"Seth," she murmured against his lips.  
"Yeah?" He murmured back.  
"We better leave before you end up fucking me here," she giggled.  
"You know me too well," he said and winked.


End file.
